Number 75

From the “Benyon Zone”

Westminster Diary 9th September 2013
on 09 September 2013.

Strange things that happen to an MP Number 75

While I was at a constituency event on Friday night a woman appeared at my house with a dog. She claimed it was a stray and that she couldn’t get hold of a dog warden so it was my responsibility to deal with it. This was a new one on me. In my eight years as an MP I have been asked to examine people’s intimate medical conditions and have been told to pass on a constituent’s opinions personally to President Obama. I have also been told that it was my responsibility to rod someone’s drains but I did not believe my duty’s extended to managing a community dog pound.

To cap it all it turns out that the dog was not a stray at all. The woman who stridently delivered it to my house, apparently snatched “Ruffles” off the streets of Yattendon where it is as well known as its owner. Someone suggested that they could reunite it with its owner but this self-righteous individual was not going to let that happen. There is a character in Viz magazine called Meddlesome Rat-bag who constantly confuses perfectly respectable behaviour with wrongdoing and sticks her oar in. Well, she stepped from the pages of Viz on Friday night leaving a very sweet dog shivering with fear on my doorstep and drove off after spitting verbal venom at my wife. She must be a comfort to one and all wherever she lives! One phone call with the Royal Oak and the “Yattendon One” was released to its owner. I am wondering what interpretation of an MP’s role might next come to my doorstep.